"Women shoulder a great burden for which they are held accountable later in life. Their entire upbringing is about raising them to be good wives. They are taught the qualities required to fulfill this role satisfactorily, such as cleaning, cooking and being a good mother. Decency, obedience, and fertility are considered natural qualities in a woman."

Ethnic muslim woman, high-school student.

The Day After

What happens to the women who do not bleed? In my experience: nothing - providing that the woman's reputation is as unsoiled as the sheet. If there have been rumours of boys, however, then the white sheet will underpin her tarnished reputation. What happens then? The result can be anything, ranging from annulment over various social sanctions to physical and psychological violence.

Does this not mean that surgery would help these women? The answer is no: If your reputation is less than pristine and you happen to be in an environment where tradition is more important than individuals, you have a problem - regardless of whether or not you bleed.

Perhaps surgery can buy a little time, allowing the women to fix their problems later? Sadly things do not tend to improve after marriage and motherhood. After the wedding night we see an excessively high percentage of ethnic minority women at shelters for battered women. There is also an excessively high number of ethnic minority women under 18 undergoing abortions, and many thousands of women who struggle to honour family demands and standards. So the main problem here is not the wedding night. We need to focus on the day before the wedding night in order to offer prevention, help, support, and counseling while there is still time.